18 sleeps til Santa

It's been a disappointing December in many ways. Though I seeem to feel on more of an even keel. I thought that things were going OK and then suddenly out of nowhere (except the odd passing thought) someone from the past pops up -doesn't even speak directly to me and then knocks me off my stride. Hmph!

Dealing with disappointment and lessons to be learned

I'm just back from my yoga/pilates holiday in Spain, which all in all was a great affair and for the most part has left me energised and excited about life, yoga and other people. There was however one huge blot on the week! On Monday morning, I went to the early class in a fairly cramped studio, for the first time during the week, the focus was to be on sun salutations, and standing strength poses (something that I was desperately looking forward to and hoping to come away having strengthened and corrected my technique on several poses).

The class began and went well as the sequence of poses and philosophy was explained. There was a beautiful piece of music playing as we worked our way through a series of about 20 repetitions. I was hyper aware of my positioning in relation to those standing closest to me and congratulated myself that I was managing to adjust myself so not to interfere with their practice. About halfway through, when shifting from Down dog to lunge there was an ominous crack from my right big toe, accompanied by a rather nasty pain.

I (probably foolishly) completed the set and sat down to check my injury. Once the teacher had finished the next series of poses (which incidently did not put any pressure on my toes) it was apparent to me that I had actually done some damage! I did what I thought was the sensible thing and explained I had an injury and asked for some ice. I was asked if I wanted ice brought to me or could I make it to the bar. I said I would give it a go walking (there are another 10 people in the class who have paid an equally ridiculous amount of money and I don't want to inconvenience). Armed with the Spanish word for ice, I somehow made my way to the bar, got my ice and found myself a corner in which to nurse my wounds.

The class duly finished, and people went to breakfast. Having dried my tears, I made my way to some friends and told them what had happened. Several people were disappointed that the teacher had not bothered to come and find me or checked on my wellbeing and so things ensued. Little help was offered (particularly as I had reflexology booked hours later!), I was encouraged to attend further classes even though it was clear, walking was painful for me. It took another participant on the course to remind the teacher that I was injured. -Definitely not the kind of treatment I expected or was in order given the cost of the week.

All that whining aside, I was reminded of the level of care I feel is deserved by a participant in a class (of any sort). It was a tough lesson to be on the recieving end of, especially as I had the day previously been to the most amazing yoga class I have ever been to and seen someone with such passion and respect for their students push me beyond what I thought I was capable of. Two teachers, one I met briefly whose class will stay with me for years and hopefully give me the tools to improve myself and my interaction with other people, the other I spent 3 days with, paid a huge sum of money who had no interest in my wellbeing!

Any teachers reading, please don't follow this persons example, just one small gesture (or lack of) in such times, could profoundly change someones outlook on humanity

What is your legacy?

What do you want to be remembered for?

We all have the power to change the lives of those around us for better or for worse; some of us in positions of responsibility can exude more influence than others but still each of us has the ability to offer a kind word or a small encouragement. Those with more material wealth can offer their generosity.

I do want to change the world, I just haven't figured out how to narrow it down to my circle of influence and therefore drive myself a little crazy at times. This week, can you commit to doing one thing that changes someone elses life for the better and makes them feel a little better about themself?

Figuring out what I want out of life

Been getting a little despondant lately! I spent a few days during the last couple of weeks trying to figure out what I want out of life. A chance conversation persuaded me to put it into print (so to speak).

I want my own home (flat, house whatever it be) a reliable car, someone who will waltz with me and a dog. I still want to explore the world and am excited about heading out to Peru, but I figured if I use what I want out of life as a bench mark I might figure out a way to stop being owned by possessions.

Bit of an update

OK, so here I am again after some considerable time. Had a few (actually more than a few) crazy weeks recently. I was quite happily minding my own business, when a friend asked me to take over directing his show. Alice in Wonderland was a fantastic experience. It was once again a reall pleasure to work with the kids and most of the adults.

I upped my training schedule a few weeks back, but obviously increased things too quickly as I spent a lot of time very tired and HAD to take a break. Went on a date to the cinema, not only did it cost a bomb, but I swallowed my cap and have to get the dentist to fit a new one.

Things seem to have steadied a bit now, and I'm starting to think about fund raising.

Being kind to yourself.

I think I have almost nailed my schedule for the next few weeks! I ended up agreeing to direct our drama grouops production of Alice in Wonderland. -something I hadn't intended to do.

Part of my schedule is to get up early every morning and for now just take a short walk with the dog (believe me in the heat that's about all she wants) for the remaining time before I head off to the office, I am going to read my book or do something I enjoy in the hopes that early mornings won't seem a chore. Wish me luck!

Dreams -caution handle with care.

OK, so I've told a few people about my plans to head out to Machu Picchu. It's been an odd response, I'm not sure what I expected particularly as I don't really like talking about myself or my hopes and dreams.

Without trying to sound like Carrie from SATC, I started thinking about how I treat other peoples dreams. I generally try to be mindful of how I would feel had I taken the courage to relate my latest hairbrained scheme to someone only to be told 'that'll never happen' or similar. A lot of people talk about trying to change the world -which is a noble idea that I wholeheartedly support. I wonder how different the world would be if we learned to hold one anothers dreams with the care and tenderness with which we hold our own?

A long time ago, someone I love dearly told me I had a gift of encouraging others, since that time I have tried whereever possible to see the best in everyone. Can I as one person make a real difference to the people in my life if I start to take their dreams seriously.

"Race for life Capstone 30/05/10"

Just a few pics from the race for life at Capstone today. Was about 3 minutes over my intended time. There were a few crashes at the start which slowed me up, otherwise I was quite happy. Congratulations to all who took part!

Getting back in to a positive frame of mind.

It's been longer than I intended since I last posted.

I've put in my ballot for the 2011 London marathon which is about 2 weeks after I get back from Peru, if I book up the dates that I've been thinking about. My theory at the time was if you get rejected 5 or 6 times you automatically get a place on either the 6th or 7th application. Knowing my luck I will get picked first time as I don't particularly want to run it so close to Peru.

I spent some time chatting to Claire and Chris who went to Macchu Picchu for their honeymoon. They were really helpful when it came to talking about dealing with altitude sickness. Somehow it doesn't sound so scary now.

I've spent the last few weeks dealing with some personnel issues at work and today was called on to break up an argument -so feeling lots more positive there. For the first time in a long time I'm not thinking 'what can go wrong now'

In addition there have been a few instances in gym classes where I have been struggling and if I'm honest would normally stop or take the easy option. I'm now reminding myself of the moments in China when I struggled and visualising myself trekking in Peru and being greatful for the times I pushed myself in training.

Viva the power of positive thought. I've got a long way to go, but I'm starting to feel that I can take on the world again!

Goodbyes

I know I set out for this to be about my preparations and trip to Machu Picchu, but right now it seems important to digress a little.

Today was Steves funeral. I don't like funerals, it almost seems perverse catching up with old friends whilst saying goodbye to one. Today is no different, but it really did bring a smile to my face, remembering those innocent times growing up through drama, when the biggest problem seemed to be late homework or lines not learned.

I'm reminded of the foots prints so many people have left in my heart, some of them quite faded with time. I remember going through some tough times with a lot of the people I saw today, thinking at the time that the latest trials and tribulations could well be the end of the world. We got through them and became stronger. There were friendships that we thought at the time would continue forever -and in some ways they are still strong requiring little maintenance, there are also those people that you never really got to know at the time, and somehow regret it.

Perhaps the most uttered phrase today was 'enjoy life while you can, you never know what is around the corner'. When Nicky Burch tragically died some 15 years ago now, I tried to make sure that whereever possible I let people know what an impact they have had on my life. I don't think I've done too bad a job at it -I know I can do better hopefully I will.

Thank-you for taking the time to read through my melancholy thoughts, I hope my next posts will be more positive and bring across the sense of adventure I have at the moment.

Days that change your life

I couldn't in good conscience let the previous week pass without note.

On Friday, may day was interrupted by 'one of those phone calls you don't want'. Janet called me to let me know that Steve Francis had suddenly passed away. He was a few months younger than me and had followed me through school, drama, youth clubs and the like. He worked a few minutes walk from me -right now I wish that I had taken the opportunity to offer him a lift now and then. I remember his grinning face as he tapped me on the back at the train station. I said hi and boarded the train in a seperate carriage to accommodate my bike.

I was reminded this morning in church how important it is to take opportunities to appreciate the people in your life and also how the little things we do in life have a huge impact on people that we never see.

The sadness and shock surrounding Steves passing will dissipate in time, I hope that the importance of taking every opportunity to love people never will.

Good night Steve, I hope you get a good seat for the Gills games from heaven!

Self sabotage.

Things have been tough at work for about 18 months. Since September it has been prgogressivley difficult. Earlier in 2010 I thought I was seeing light at the end of the tunnel, then things went awry, picked up and finally hit an all time low when Kelly had his temper tantrum.

I am gradually realising that as much as things are difficult, I am sabotaging my own chances of success with the way I am thinking. My inner monlogue is focussing on how much confidence I have lost, how unfit I really am, and all the negative things in my life. I know a healthy dose of realism is a good thing, but my mind seems to have gone too far the other way.

Time to get in to the right 'headspace' if I am going in search of Inca gold!

What's this??

I decided to keep a blog of my preparations, mentally, physically and financially as a personal reminder of the journey. At some stage, I will invite my friends and family to have a read, so they too can be part of the journey.

The decision?

So here I am 32 years old, just back from my epic trip to the Great Wall of China and looking for the next trip. I started looking through websites on Monday, picked up a few ideas, but nothing really leapt out as my next adventure in waiting. Roll the clock forward some 24 hours, I'm at the gym for Balance class, looking forward to recounting my adventures to anyone standing still long enough for me to assail them. And that's when inspiration hit! I say inspiration, actually I am sort of piggy backing off someone elses dream. -and apologies Rebecca if you get to read this!

I had been saying for some weeks prior to leaving for China that I would love to do Machu Pichu. My hopes were somewhat dashed when talking to Laura when walking the Great Wall and listening to how tough the trek itself had been. I figured I would never be physically able (due to the altitude) to complete the challenge.

Driving home after class really changed my mind. At this stage, I don't know if in the space of the next 18 months I will be able to raise my fitness level sufficiently to finish. What I do know is I never will if I don't try.

I've not been in a particularly good frame of mind recently, mainly due to circumstances at work. 2 weeks ago my confidence took a major battering, to the point that I really don't want to return to work tomorrow. For me right now, the prospect of walking the Inca trail is not only a physical challenge, but an emotional remedy for the dark times I am feeling in my life.