More than words

I'm at home tonight when I'd rather be elsewhere so was feeling a little despondent.

I'm reading a book on hypnotism. I came across a chapter on words -which have always been a fascination to me. I came across the word precious and how we forget we are all precious.

I think I'll adopt it as my word of the week and try remind the people who step in to my world how precious they are


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What to do next

It's been a tough week, one where I have struggled with myself and for the most part I have won. I'm having a rare evening in front of a DVD.

For a while, I have been thinking about my teenage years and how I became the person I am today. Obviously the church played a big part in my moral development. I'm coming to terms with the fact I feel the teachings of the church deprived me of some of the experiences most teenagers have.

The biggest gulf in my education growing up is that I am not sure what to do when I like someone and less so, how to tell if they are interested in me.


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Location:At home, musing while watching DB

Not so loose ends

I had a really powerful experience yesterday in my meditation, where I really felt that I was touched by God, and equipped for things to come. I began tonights meditation with expentency and was excited quite early on when I felt that it was going to be similarly uplifting.

I won't say that I was disappointed -I think disturbed was more the concept. I felt really strongly that I am to begin tying up some loose ends at work -repairing relationships that have fallen apart in recent years. For the record, I don't think that a lot of the damage is my fault, rather it has been exacerbated by two people who are afraid of confrontation.

Part of what I feel I need to do in the forthcoming week is to come clean about my sexuality. Over the past 3 weeks, (since I told my brother) it has become clearer to me that this is something that I have known since my teenage years, but have buried deep partly due to the fear that my church friends would either hate me or want nothing to do with me. I wonder now if the spates of nightmares and panic attacks were that part of me trying to attract my attention.

I'm still struggling internally, but slowly I am starting to accept myself for who I am. Who would have thought it, a blog intended to track my progress towards a trip to a lifetime allowing me the chance to search deep within my soul and help me to love myself.