Not so loose ends

I had a really powerful experience yesterday in my meditation, where I really felt that I was touched by God, and equipped for things to come. I began tonights meditation with expentency and was excited quite early on when I felt that it was going to be similarly uplifting.

I won't say that I was disappointed -I think disturbed was more the concept. I felt really strongly that I am to begin tying up some loose ends at work -repairing relationships that have fallen apart in recent years. For the record, I don't think that a lot of the damage is my fault, rather it has been exacerbated by two people who are afraid of confrontation.

Part of what I feel I need to do in the forthcoming week is to come clean about my sexuality. Over the past 3 weeks, (since I told my brother) it has become clearer to me that this is something that I have known since my teenage years, but have buried deep partly due to the fear that my church friends would either hate me or want nothing to do with me. I wonder now if the spates of nightmares and panic attacks were that part of me trying to attract my attention.

I'm still struggling internally, but slowly I am starting to accept myself for who I am. Who would have thought it, a blog intended to track my progress towards a trip to a lifetime allowing me the chance to search deep within my soul and help me to love myself.